i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
