I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
