This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
