she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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