Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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