oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
