So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well I just put wine in my tea
whose parrot is this?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
