You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
