her vagine was all disorganized.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
