Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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