Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
