# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
