I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
