That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
