I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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