And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
