i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
