I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
