party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I am available for nakedness
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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