Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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