Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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