i was born a porn star she said
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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