Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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