I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You can't special order awesome
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
