My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
