there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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