i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
