she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
