2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
