lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
