Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
