dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
