My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
