I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
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I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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