Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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