the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Text me some of your sweat
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
