Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
