is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
