so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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