Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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