I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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