Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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