you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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