i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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