i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
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He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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