Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
