My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
did i walk over a car last night?
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
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Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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