yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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