I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
