Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
