I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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