he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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