he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
