i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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