I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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