There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i now understand why vodka
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
