i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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