piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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