I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
