so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
