Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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