i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
