between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
