Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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