remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
