Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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