Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
