i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
In America we eat man semen.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
