Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
