please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
