Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My ATM looks so different sober.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
