dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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