I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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