He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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