i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
