Having a random hookup so left but love u
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
