i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just gift wrapped bread.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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